Smoke

Everyone has probably been to a restaurant where the distinction between the smoking and non-smoking sections is something pointless. Perhaps it is only a different area in the same large room, or maybe there is some attempt at erecting a partition of sorts. Then again, in some places I have seen where every other booth or table is the method; smoking, non-smoking, smoking, non-smoking, etc. Obviously, the last example is a good illustration of what happens when a moron is given the power to make laws.

Arguments for and against "smoker's rights" aside, there are valid reasons for having completely separate sections of a dining establishment set up, each with their own ventilation systems. Millions of people have medical conditions that would seem to make such an arrangement a good idea, or, as some may say, mandatory. That is the only way to truly provide a "no smoking" atmosphere for those patrons who choose to dine in one. I've never been in a place where such considerations have been taken in the design of a place of business. Apparently, restaurants are simply not willing to go that extra-mile and spend the money, choosing rather to comply with the letter of the law as opposed to the spirit. It's all a numbers game for them; butts in seats, average cost of eating, server them fast and street them faster.

There have been hundreds of times where I have not had the chance to choose a non-smoking area. Maybe it's because I really don't care THAT much and also know that the whole "secondhand smoke" war is based on horribly flawed research. Often it is because I'd rather eat that day rather than wait for one of the 3 non-smoking tables (in the midst of a room full of smokers, no doubt), or perhaps the establishment doesn't even have separate sections. It's not that big a deal for me. I grew up in a family of smokers, used to smoke myself, most people I know smoke, and the time I spend in a restaurant where people are smoking is not enough to bother even my medical disaster sinuses. Heck, sometimes it even smells pleasant, especially a good cigar or should someone be smoking a pipe. At times it even does the service of covering up the odors of the people you are often forced to sit near. I'd much rather smell someone's cigarette than the foul stench of someone's idea of a good-smelling perfume or cologne that they apparently immersed themselves in. Heck, I have ASKED people to light up cigarettes in order to cover up the rank odor of a perfume!

Well, the fragrance-free section argument will have to wait for another entry... Right now I'm going to focus on what has got to be the most stupid action ever taken by a restaurant. And this restaurant even has separate smoking and non-smoking sections (albeit divided by a short, basket-weave partition wall). I'm talking about that icon of pseudo-Southern home cooking and atmosphere known as the Cracker Barrel.

Last night, after I had finished Physical Therapy, the wife and I decided to go to the local Cracker Barrel and have some of the best homestylesque food ever to come off of a Sysco foodservice truck. It had been a while since we had been out ANYWHERE, and my taking her out to dinner there, her choice, was the least I could do considering all she does for me. We walked in (well, I hobbled in on crutches...) and were seated right away, in the non-smoking section. I've sat in that same seat at that same restaurant many times before and have never had any problems with smoke bothering me. Heck, the smokers were thirty feet away, and there weren't that many of them. So now we come to the Problem.

If you've ever been to a Cracker Barrell, then you likely know the general layout. This one has a huge stone fireplace in the center of the dining area, between the entry and exit doorways from the kitchen area. Tonight there was a fire going in it, just a few glowing logs. I honestly thought that it was a gas fire... I mean, what kind of moron would have a real fire going inside a building? Well, it WAS a real fire, and as we ate our dinner, the manager kept tossing wood onto the fire until it was one roaring blaze, churning smoke out into the room as well as up the chimney. Our eyes started to burn from the smoke, and eventually we had to leave. I was starting to have trouble breathing, and the last thing I needed was to have an asthma attack in the middle of a restaurant.

While in the car on the way home, I noticed that I was still smelling nothing but the smoke. I tried blowing my nose, but that didn't help. Then I noticed that my shirt smelled as though it had been hung outside next to a campfire all night long. My wife's hair and clothes were the same way! Even after returning home and taking off the offending clothes, the irritation persisted until she showered and I took a bath, as the smoke particles had apparently embedded themselves in our skin. Even that wasn't enough, as it turns out, since I wound up not only tossing my cookies (or rather my Old-Timer's Breakfast), but also having problems sleeping and waking up the next morning with infected sinuses, with which I am still suffering. All this brings me to my point which can be summed up as follows:

BIG BONFIRES DO NOT BELONG INSIDE A BUILDING, ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE NON-SMOKING SECTION!

I hate to yell like that, but whatever moron had that idea probably needs some screaming, at the very least. I've written the Cracker Barrel corporate HQ about the incident and will be interested to read their reply, should they decide to do so. Heck, I'll probably excerpt it here, should it be entertaining. So now I suppose I'll have to start calling restaurants ahead of time and ask them if they have huge fires going inside the building. Sound crazy? Yes, it is. Unfortunately it's also quite sadly true...